yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
