I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
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