"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
For future reference, a lint roller appears to be the easiest way to get glitter out of a beard.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
