True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I just put on my bra while peeing. I fear this will be my big achievement of the day.
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