4 words: hood of his car
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Naked Twister starts at high noon
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
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