Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
Randomize
