3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He thought I was flirting with him but really I just needed someone to hold me up.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
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