Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Randomize
