I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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