you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Randomize
