Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm at the gym. I've taken enough caffeine to feel inspired to be a low budget instagram fitness model. I totally forgot my push up bra though
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
