her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
She was sitting there stuffing her face rubbing my back with a dorito cheese filled hand while eating something else with the other hand as I was crying.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
Just wanna let u know that we are almost on the pity blow job level of our friendship.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize
