Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
his life revolves around getting high and answering people on yahoo answers. he's perfect for you.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
When I don't want to forget things I put them on my cigs.
C smoking isn't all bad
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
I appreciate the fact that you sent me a snapchat of your dick soaking in a cup of water.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
So he apologized for peeing on my floor.. then we fucked all night.
Real classy
Randomize
