he looks like a really good dad on facebook
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
You just jumped of the couch and yelled "hidden tiger crouching dragon!" That's the answer to how you broke your finger.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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