yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
