Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
I'm sweating while I eat mac and cheese. That fat.
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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