Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
I'm buying a pregnancy test with my lunch money. Classy.
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
