Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I'm going to become fluent in fucking Belgian boys
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
