He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
so I'm staring at this cat and wondering..is the tail of the cat the derivative of it's head?
stop getting stoned after studying for a calc final.
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
