the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
Randomize
