Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
My balls are so social today.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize
