Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
