Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
