God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
Randomize
