I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
