I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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