Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
