I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
Do you still have your period?
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
So just talked to them hahah i like that people sat there and watched as you two made out... They said they even had to refill their beers
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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