You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I bet i've been more pregnant than you.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
Randomize