i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
I just threw up on my dentist
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
Yeah ok. We can maid of honor each other since you don't like my boobs enough to lesbian marry me
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
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