this girl just gave me her phone number and 5 mins later right in front of me she is giving her number to another dude
call her and ask her what she thinks she's doing
It's not littering; it's giving birds nest building suplies. Besides, birds love soy sauce and plastic forks.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
