just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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