So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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