I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Dude how much would someone have to pay you to get you to slide your vagina across a bald man's head because Honestly I'd do it for the experience alone. but money would be nice too\n\nI'm thinkin like 500 bucks. Maybe 700
Why are you like this.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
Randomize
