the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
It was confusing and full of hummus
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
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