Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I can't believe I had to sit there pretending to play Halo with a condom on for 20 Minutes because your brother barged in to tell a story.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
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