So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
