Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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