just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
