thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Randomize
