just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
You know, finding my first grey pube at 34 is FAR more distressing than finding that first grey hair at 13.
I DO NOT FUCKING WANT OR NEED THIS INFORMATION!
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
