I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
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