24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
YOU TOLD ME THAT YOU CAUGHT A TAXI HOME. SARAH SAID THE POLICE DROPPED YOU OFF.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
