i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
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