Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
All I've been thinking about for the past 12 hours is sex and SEAWORLD
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
