Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
Steve is enlightening me on how and why u put gerbils up your ass
i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I had to break up with her. She was sending me study schedules and recipes for vegan lasagna. I’m just trying to survive man
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
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