so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Will exercising make me less horny?
Randomize
