4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You can have my vag. Its useless without you.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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