I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Sometimes I think about the fact that I lost my virginity while watching anime and I wonder what that says about me
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
Randomize
