so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
