dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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