I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I gave him head during Pitch Perfect 2, I felt like the Bella's were cheering me on with their back up tunes
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
Randomize
