No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
Randomize
