..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
This guy in church just had a prayer request to help him get through his hangover. He is my new hero.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
