if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Where you at
assisting at a photo shoot in williamsburg till 7ish. wassup?
Doesn't matter. I already jerked off in your bed.
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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