my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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