she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
I have realized now that neither the top nor bottom of a bunk bed is safe for sex....
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
CSI Miami is on and the guy is trying to save this woman who got shot. By stripping off his shirt & belt. THE WOMAN NEEDS YOUR PANTS OFF TOO
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Having to do the walk of shame on crutches was defiently a first for me. cheers to the governor, klove
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
