i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
