he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
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