It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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