I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
