Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
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