No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
who is the naked dude on the coffee table
thats jeff, jeff is nice so don't be rude
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
