no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
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