I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I lost the right to judge tonight
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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