Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
