All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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