Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
