i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Turns out I made out with a woman dressed as a unicorn here 10 years ago
Randomize
