I hate all girls vehemently.
My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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