She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
