he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Nothing more awkward that being butt ass naked in a guys bed and his ex wife shows up with his kid....
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
