She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
