the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
BAHHAHHAHHAHAHHA SOME ASS IS BIYING NE DRHBKS. DRUBK
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Randomize
