I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I think he's hit rock bottom. You know it's a low point in life when you cry because you weren't invited to sit in a box car and watch porn with two other straight dudes.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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