When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
