Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
Randomize
